I’m bored! Let’s have some Everton jokes!

Date: 12 Nov 2009 Comments: 0

A Liverpool and an Everton fan get into a nasty car accident. Both vehicles are really wrecked, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the Everton fan says, “So you’re a Liverpool supporter, that’s interesting. I’m an Everton fan… Wow! Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days.”

The Liverpool fan replied,”Totally agree – this must be a sign from God!” The Liverpool fan went on, “And look at this – here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink it, to celebrate the fact we are alive and kicking?”

He hands the bottle to the Everton fan who nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Liverpool fan. He takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Evertonian.

He looks puzzled and asks, “Aren’t you having any?” The Liverpool fan replies, “Nah…I think I’ll just wait for the police……”

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A medical professor was lecturing his 1st year students about involuntary muscle contractions.

To liven up the lesson he asked one of the female students, ‘For example, do you know what your ar*ehole does while you are having an orgasm?’

She replies “Of course i do! Hes at Goodison Park watching Everton…..’.

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A man walks into a pub were they have a robot serving behind the bar, he orders a pint & whilst the robot is pouring it he asks the punter what his IQ is.

The man replies 147 & the robot starts chatting about the difficulties in the American sub prime mortgage market causing a credit crunch over here in the UK.

The guy is amazed by the robot decides to visit the pub a week later, again as the robot is pouring his pint he asks the guy what his IQ is.

This time the guy says 94 & the robot starts chatting about who’ll get the England Job and about that bloke who reappeared for 5 years after faking a canoe accident.

Again the bloke is amazed by the robot & visits the pub the following week, usual script the robot asks him what his IQ is

This time the man replies 57 to see how the robot reacts

The robot starts chatting in a real slow & deliberate voice and says…..

“So how do you think Moyes is doing this season?”

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I met this really sexy woman last night. I took her home and she said in a sultry voice “I want you to humiliate me.”

So i made her wear an Everton shirt!

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An Everton fan walks into the library. He walks up to the counter, slams a book down and screams at the librarian, “This is the worst book I’ve ever read! It has no plot and far too many characters!”

The librarian looks up and calmly remarks, “So, you’re the one who took our phone book!”

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Two Everton fans observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of a Mercedes with a coat hanger.

One Everton fan said: “I can’t seem to get this door unlocked!”

The other fan said: “Well, you’d better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!”

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A little boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with them anymore. The honored judge said to him “So why don’t you want to live with your dad?”

“Because he beats me” said the little boy.
“Why don’t you want to live with your mum then?” asked the judge.
Because she beats me as well.
“Oh” said the judge “Well who would you like to live with then?”
The little boy replied” I would like to live with Everton, because they don’t beat anyone!!”

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Reproduced thanks to http://justjokesonline.com

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